dear november.

dear november, 

let's face it. we have a strange relationship. its kind of a push/pull thing. you're pulling me in for 4 weeks, I'm pushing you away like the plague.... i'm just really not that into you.

november is an interesting month for me, i harbor some seriously ill will towards it, as if the month itself took my dad away + i'm not really into thanksgiving, i'm all for being thankful & spending time with family but i'd rather eat sushi than turkey and mashed potatoes. so i suppose the purpose of this post is to find things about november that i love! so lets start this thing over...

dear november,

thank you for the beanie weather! october tried its hardest, but you really came through & put that extra day in-between shower days & that is something to get excited about ;)

you also brought me snow. S N O W! first snow of the year and it wasn't a meaningless dusting! arrow had the opportunity to use her new snowsuit & even attempt an olaf! 

with your arrival i have started ordering my cold weather regular; tall chestnut praline latte from starbucks. hooray! plus, the lights are officially up and on in Old Town, making my red cup holding strolls even more dreamy.

you gave me husband! he turns thirty tomorrow and is trying his hardest to sweep it under the rug, i am doing quite the opposite. anything worth celebrating is worth going completely over the top for ;) thanks baby, for making my novembers better for the past 4 years!

kieran! november also gave me my littlest baby brother who turns 18 this year! what. in. the. world. bear, you've made november more than just the month rudely separating halloween and christmas for almost 18 years now... keep up the good work, i love you.

sales at target. who doesn't love a good sale at target?

thanksgiving break! a week off of work filled with family, truckloads of muddy buddies, pumpkin bread, a fresh batch of my dad's texas trash - courtesy of chris salvaggione, ample time to decorate for christmas, put my holiday playlist on repeat, no mariah carey, you are not invited (all i want for christmas is for you to stop.) & hopefully more snow!!

this list is short and its certainly not profound, but finding the things i love about november and focusing on them has gotten me halfway to december! yay me!

my people.

everyone has got a team, a tribe, a group. a collection of people who just get it. i have an interesting tribe... starting with the people who not only share my DNA but also my level of crazy. hi family! I'm super blessed because my family is super close, like, suuuuuuper close, this includes husbands. the once a week family dinners don't even begin to cover it. we are in some form of a group text majority of the time, always checking in (& barging in) on each others lives. its great.

i am happily situated in the middle of the crazy. two older sisters who are my bestbestbestbestbest (x20) friends. they weren't always, but once they realized how awesome i am, i meeeean as i got older, they came around. we talk about everything. nothing is off limits. sometimes we talk about baby sleep schedules, date night with our husbands or what we are watching in-between loads of laundry on netflix. other times we delve a little deeper and chat about faith, plans and hopes for the future & how much we miss our dad. i feel as though they are the only people who can tell me exactly what they are thinking without having to apologize or say no offense. + our libraries of knowledge and wisdom span a broad number of subjects so we can usually help each other out of life's stickiest situations; but when we can't we call mom!

my two little (way bigger than me) brothers are next. they would probably rather not be on my team, but are kind of stuck there. i am constantly monitoring their love lives, making sure they are growing into young gentlemen and that their girlfriends are pretty enough to possibly become my sister-in-laws one day. i try my hardest to keep them in line and out of trouble even though just a few short years ago i was teaching them how to get into it (insert embarrassed monkey emoji here.) most of our conversations skim the surface of life which suits me just fine, i know that running into them or shooting them a quick text will be just that, a short catch up & an amazing hug.

my next members are probably the most interesting of the bunch, my students. although there are many years of life separating us, i am married and having babies & they are going to prom; our creativity meets in the middle and has no age. i see them regularly, like a twice a week date that is highly prioritized and can't be missed. they have seen firsthand how my creative soul responds to life's most brilliant and most destructive moments. they've loved me through dark hair, black eyeliner, breakups, makeups, love, a big belly, loss & life and i am eternally grateful for their youthful presence in my corner. squad goals!

lastly, are my friends. the small and very selective group of people who met me at all very different times in my life & yet somehow, have stuck around. these are the people who danced with me before i was actually good at dance & who put up with me being a little regina george-ish in middle school. one of them convinced me to give grant a chance (i am sooooo glad i did!) & lets face it, they all just know too much. unfortunately, these are the members i talk to the least, some have babies, fiancees, jobs, and love lives i can't keep up with ;) however, our friendships are not based on the number of times we get together for coffee, they are a quick text conversation during the week and a hangout when we can, knowing full well that at any moment we would drop our lives for eachothers emergency.

the relationships we craft throughout the years shape us as a person, they define and serve as a living example of what God created us to do, love Him and love one another! I look so forward to watching my tribe grow and change as the years pass and look even more forward to watching arrow build a tribe of her own, as of now it's got two pretty precious members already, lucy goose & super abel! take some time today to tell your people how much you love them, near and far!

happy thursday!

a whole new set of fears.

im not sure when it happens in life, but somewhere between being a wild and carefree child & adulthood, we acquire the worst emotional attribute this world has to offer.

F E A R.

I'm not talking fear of spiders or ghosts or going upside on a roller coaster. I'm talking about the invisible fears that tug on our heartstrings on gloomy mornings. the fear of being alone forever, not getting into heaven, or never looking like the girl on the cover of shape magazine. the silent fear of wanting something so badly but being too afraid to get after it; or being fearful of your own desire to let something you have, go. these are big, bad, ugly fears, deeply rooted into our minds garden like a weed with sharp thorns & they grow wildly as they please. 

As the seasons of life change, my fears do too. old fears, have now faded away with the addition of a husband & a daughter. while some still loom in the back of my mind when that season of life comes around again, but its this whole new set of fears that are making me crazy lately. 

my fears for her.

my perfect little being.

we live in a scary world people. i am absolutely positive that this is not new news to you. but completely aside from the school shootings and textersanddrivers, i almost find myself more fearful for her heart. she is growing up in a world where the word basic is thrown around freely, like it doesn't really mean "not good enough." where 8 year olds are wearing wedges and winged eyeliner to elementary school, where people of all ages get to hide behind the keys of a keyboard and tell you what they really think; and where love and sex are so disregarded and thrown into the category of something that you just, do.

i wish that there was a cure all, i wish that i could shield her from the less beautiful situations in this world. keep her in a 5point safety harness carseat until she's 30, homeschool her, choose her friends for her etc. but at some point i have to let her LIVE, just as God created us to do! so instead of locking her up in a tall, tall tower and never letting her meet a boy (or mean girls) like, ever.... i will instead do my very best to raise her to be strong, steady, kind & most of all rooted deeply in the Father. for the burning questions I cannot answer, I will send her to scripture and there she will find self-worth, purpose & learn the true definition of love and all of the wonderful weight it carries.

it doesn't help her for me to be fearful, fear breeds more fear & it isn't a fruit we were designed to bear. i can't say that i won't ever worry or try to micromanage her life because i can spot a bad idea from a mile away; but like the seasons in my own life sweep away fears, as she grows into a smart and witty little girl and then into a beautiful, young woman making wise decisions on her own, they will do the same with my fears for her.

for God does not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love & a sound mind.
2 timothy 1:7