a frightening thought

last night, at about 2am i woke up thinking..

everything I am, she will be.

it was almost like God planted that thought in my head so I would wake up thinking of all the ways to better myself. thanks for that God, i don't like sleeping anyways.

being a parent is scary, not only are you fully responsible for the physical well being of another human, but you also have to on a daily basis, shape them into the person they will become. arrow is in the phase right now of doing everything mama & daddy do. if i scream, she screams, if daddy takes his shoes off, arrow needs her shoes off. its adorable, but brings into the blinding light that if i am not patient & kind, how will she know to be patient & kind. if i curse at the dogs for chewing up another passy or waking her from a nap, what is to stop her from cursing at the dogs? she is a sponge.

& grant and i are the human liquid she is soaking up. the way we speak to our friends, how we spend our time, how we treat ourselves and our belongings. she is watching and emulating. whether we think about it often or not, kids are watching us, like little ninjas.

ter. ri. fy. ing.

am i right?

it basically makes me want to be a nun. trade in all my free people for a habit. i, of course, am my own worst critic as a parent, so i am never going to be good enough for arrow, i don't go to God with all my problems, i am messy, i curse & gossip. HOWEVER, in this post is my lesson. I woke at 2am last night with this scary seed in my head & it immediately made me want to find ways to BETTER MYSELF. if i hadn't been thinking about this before, i am now. i am a goal oriented person & arrow is my prize. i think she is worth some personal change, don't you? three cheers for patient & polite kids, yeah?

happy weekend everyone!