this holiday now applies to me….

i am a mom. mama. mother. whatever you wanna call it. i am one of those. i am a diaper changing, booboo kissing, stroller-strolling mama; & i finally fully understand why moms need a day of celebration all dedicated to them, to us.

here's to all the wonderful moms i know.
thank you for sacrificing your time, money, and independence to hold our families together.  thanks for all the hours you put into our lives, school projects & birthday parties. thanks for changing our diapers, i feel like this one gets left off the list a lot, but now i change a lot of diapers, so, thank you. thank you for listening to all of our childish problems & acting like they were so important, even though you had big bad adult problems on your mind.  thank you for teaching us how to love & have successful relationships.
this list of 'thank yous' could honestly go on forever, there are so many things to thank you for, so many things that us kids, your kids, will one day realize they appreciate. but most of all this year, thank you for all the love, care & knowledge you have given us, so that we may one day raise families of our own & have the slightest idea of how to do it.
we love you moms.

now, to my own mom.
thank you for being my best friend, when taylor and hillary wanted nothing to do with me :) even though they realize how cool i am now, you are still my best friend. thank you for always making me feel special. thanks for backing me up when my little white lies got me in trouble with (bi ches) at school. thank you for every hour you put behind the wheel from colorado to california & back - - or behind the wheel of hideous PT cruisers in LA, helping me chase my dream. my dreams may have changed now, but those memories are still my favorite & those experiences with you cannot be taken away. thank you, for instilling in me the confidence to be myself, especially in the face of critics. thank you for giving me a curfew, sounds weird because i hated it at the time, but thanks for that. you and daddy were right, nothing good ever happens after 10 or 11 o'clock. thank you for letting me move back in after i moved out, again, a weird thank you. but i needed to come home & you knew that. thank you for letting me have a rebellious stage, i told you i would come back, & i did. thank you for teaching me how to persevere through the rough times in relationships. thank you for teaching me about hostess gifts, i always feel so impressive when i show up with one (haha.) thank you for making my wedding day, the most wonderful, beautiful, special, memorable day of my life. i can't even fathom the amount of hot glue that was involved, not to mention the time spent. thank you for loving grant, just as he is. thank you for being a wonderful grammy to arrow & always answering my calls, no matter how late they are. & last but not least. thank you for teaching me how to be a mom, i learn from you every day. i know i can always count on you to be there when i need you. you have always put your family first, as i plan to do & if i turn out to be half as good as you are, i think i'll be just fine :) i love you mama.

h i l l a r y.

you are going to come across some pretty great people in your life. people who only stay awhile & people who will be there forever. some will become once a month acquaintances & a few will even become your best friend.

well, twenty-six years ago, God had a plan. a plan to bless the world with a brunette, daddy loving beauty. a plan to add a little bright and shiny to a family of three. but he even thought further into the future with his plan, a few years later i was born & i already had a best friend waiting for me... hillary.

h i l l a.

you are my best friend. you are one of the most beautiful people i know. i wish i could see the world as sparkly as you do. your advice keeps me sane. you make me want to be better + do better. every starbucks date, every early morning breakfast, every episode of bubble guppies is so incredibly special to me. my life is brighter, because of you. i honestly couldn't imagine my life without you, you are one of the only people who think my jokes and antics are hilarious + you never tell me to be quieter when I'm yelling, I'm just a yeller & you know that. God gave you to me because he knew i would need you to balance me out & he knew i would need your help in so many aspects of my life. he knew long before we did, that we would compliment each other so perfectly & become the best of friends. i pray each and every night that arrow & your little girl on the way will bond just the way we did & we can watch our relationship repeat itself. i love you so much. happy birthday.

hello may!

it's here! it's here! MAY is finally here!!! it may have started off super windy, bleh, but it's sunnied up & it's here! i for some reason felt like april was a 60 day month this year. probably, because I'm ready to plant my garden again & mayday // mothers day give me the go ahead. also, boating. it's so close i can almost taste the cold corona && i cannot wait to see arrow's little chunker thighs in a bikini. prepare yourself for an overload of pictures when that time comes :) anyways, happy may everyone!

e a s t e r.

happy late easter everyone! as if the resurrection of christ wasn't exciting enough on it's own, this year was arrow's first easter, so there was even more excitement, eggs & candy. we got started on sunday with bunny shaped pancakes (i cant wait til arrow is old enough to appreciate my holiday breakfasts, pancake design is an art!) - went to a wonderful church service, arrow slept through the whole thing, rough life. we then headed to my mama's house for easter. as usual, her house was beautifully  decorated, warm & welcoming to everyone. husbands, girlfriends, even my nana was in town! 11 easter baskets full of candy, books & other goodies were all waiting for us there.
**the only thing missing was the sound of my dads voice coming from the kitchen.**

arrow enjoyed chewing. ahem. i mean, reading her new book from the easter bunny & abel hunted for eggs in the backyard, while the husbands had a ping pong tourney in the basement, apparently it got pretty intense.

love was flowing abundantly all day & left me feeling even more grateful for the true reason for this holiday. christ is risen. risen indeed.

wandering mind.

while rocking arrow to sleep, my mind is usually wandering, making a mental list of the things i need to do once i get my hands free, after all, i've only got an hour or so... pickup. sweep. where is murphy? vacuum. dishes. "dogs! lets go outside!" laundry. etc. 

though for the past week or so, things have been different. after listening to her softly sing herself to sleep in my left ear, i'll continue rocking and swaying long after my job is done. i take in the way she breathes & the way her head feels heavy draped over my shoulder, her little hand curled up between her chest and mine. my mind still wanders, but not to chores or errands, it wanders so far that my eyes usually start to burn a little & fill with tears before i even reach the end of my thought trail. 

sometimes, (most of the time) i'm thinking about my dad, how much i miss him & how his time with arrow was cut so terribly & unfairly short (he didn't even get to give her one of his famous nicknames & i have so many more cooking questions to ask him.) and sometimes im just marveling at my creation, (mental high-five) this tiny perfect being. a sweet human life, I have been so blessed to call my child. 

anyways, i am grateful that i have been able to slow down & drink all of these quiet moments in lately. my heart may not always lead my mind down the most productive path, but arrow is dreaming at nap time & sometimes im just going to follow her lead.

sunny days

colorado is funny. one day you're wearing sandals + sunglasses, the next you're wearing uggs + a parka. i kinda like it. it keeps me on my toes (&my full wardrobe in rotation) - - arrow however, is more a fan of those sunny days. we can get out and explore the world, stroll around & open our eyes to new, beautiful things. everything is so exciting to her, and now, more exciting to me! the way she looks at flowers or the branches of a tree when the wind blows is not only precious, but it also helps me slow down and enjoy these things for myself.  it's like, we are learning things together, her, for the first time and me all over again.

^^ thanks auntie & grammy, for the picnic in the park!

s i x m o n t h s.

ahhh. feels good to be back on the blog & it seems only fitting that i start back up by celebrating arrow's 1/2 birthday!
yes. you read that correctly. arrow. my little baby. my world changer. my tiny sugarpie, is not so little anymore. well, she is, she's just older. so, i hosted a small party to celebrate her wonderful halfyear of life (& her being able to sit on her own, with very few spills!) 

+ i can't help it, i'll use any excuse to host a gathering of friends&&family, i just love my people.

^^ its not a party if the animals aren't wearing party hats, am i right?  ^ birthday girl, right before her party long nap :)

^ like i said, i love my people.

^^ babies on babies on babies.

thank you to everyone who came! its was such a fun celebration of life :)

happy six months baby girl.